If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
