Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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