I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Less talking, more tequila
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm having to shit out rocks
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
