the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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