i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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