you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
