people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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