we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
