First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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