Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
