i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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