So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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