Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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