New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
