I will die if light touches me.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
