the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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