need another drink. this is the easiest way
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
