I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
