Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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