Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
