Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
