i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
