Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nicole vs. Life
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
