so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize