Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
