At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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