omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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