I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
PANTIES FOUND
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