those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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