i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
