Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
