these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
