I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
