so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
