Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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