Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
