I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
