dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
