There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
