i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
