i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
