Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
