He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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