did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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