drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
