i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
