Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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