apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
