when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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