life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
